Some time ago I heard from my friend that my life was just PERFECT! Because my professional life seemed to be going so well and everything I was doing looked just great: wonderful family, an interesting job, financial comfort…
Of course it was very nice to hear. And also I agree it is good to have role models who you admire and get inspired by. Especially for us women it is so important – we learn a lot from people who we consider to be our authorities.
However, you should not forget we are still just human and everyone has their own battles. When you look at someone’s successes, remember that there are always some costs that accompany them. Nobody’s life is perfect because there are no perfect human beings!
So look carefully and notice all the imperfections that surround you…
They are in things, in nature, in the weather… and in people you meet. And of course THEY ARE IN YOU TOO. That is the truth! And yet it is the imperfections that make the world look so beautiful. The Japanese call it “wabi-sabi’- the beauty of imperfections – and they even celebrate it!
So when you look and listen carefully and you notice someone’s vulnerabilities and struggles, be sure to celebrate and honour them, because that is more of the true story about the person than his or her carefully posed photograph taken during nice holiday on Ibiza island.
And don’t compare yourself to someone’s photo – it doesn’t make any sense. Treat it as an avatar that may inspire you if you like it but remember it is not a real human being.
Instead, these are the 5 things you may want to practice in order to learn to see your life’s challenges as your own beautiful imperfections.
1. Stop trying to pay for happiness. – I remember one of my clients in the past who worried a lot about the loan that they took with her husband to buy a house. She was so much preoccupied with it and stressed by the fear they would not be able to pay it back. When I suggested she should try to relax she responded: “yes, I know but because of the loan I don’t have money to go to a spa or so… how can I relax?”
Yes, many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, working on our passions, laughter with our close friends when we gather together… What would you feel if I told you that life is less about achievement and attainment, and more about purpose and space? Less about status, and more about fun? Less about striving and more about enjoying?
So learn to find enjoyment in small things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the nicest moments in your life. You may discover you don’t miss the luxury hotel on a tropical island where you stayed during summer holidays some years ago but this winter evening you spent in a tiny room of your rented apartment laughing to tears with someone who mattered to you.
2. Cry if you need to. – Since I started my coaching practice I have been working mostly with so called “successful people”. They are coming to me for help because they experience a discomfort in an area of their lives. For many of them the conversation with me is the only occasion to reveal them being weak, being vulnerable, being sometimes afraid of something.
Stop pretending everything is fine if it isn’t. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. Be sure all of us sometimes feel like this. Cry if you need to. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
3. Let relationships be your teacher. – In life you will realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some people will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. Everything you experience may teach you a lesson in life. To help you grow. If you think your relationships with people are sometimes painful or not effective, read in one of my previous posts how you can create good relationships with people.
Remember that in any interaction with the other person you learn a lot about yourself. And any interaction with the other person reflects your relationship with yourself. Whenever you experience a discomfort in communicating with someone ask yourself a question: “what does it say about me, where is the discomfort from?” Stick to these people who bring out the best in you! And learn from them the same attitude to yourself!
4. Stop thinking you’re not ready. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Afterwards you know at least what doesn’t work so you are closer to the solution. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. Elderly people when asked what they regret in the past they never mention things they did wrong, they only regret things they didn’t attempt to do.
Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first. The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. So reframing an assumption of “I’m not ready” to “I am a work in progress, and I am ready for growth” allows for new pathways to open and new opportunities to be embraced.
5. In general, think less but live more. – Especially in our western culture we use our minds too much, excessively! One of my friends with whom I practice mindfulness said to me once: “I became aware that when I feel stressed I seem to only feel my upper body – no contact with my feet or legs”.
We’ve got used to identify ourselves only with our brains, as if the rest of our bodies was a separate undeveloped thing. That’s why in difficult life situations when we need to take a decision, we try to logically analyze what is good, all the pros and cons, and we end up exhausted, still not convinced what to do.
But life is about experiencing and we are creatures of the nature – we have our intuition, our gut feelings, our instincts. Since early childhood we know what we like and what we don’t. So stop wasting time on thinking too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. Just do what you know in your heart is right. And immerse in experiencing this life!
One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s speaking to you through photo-shop pictures.
Someone may always look prettier, someone may always seem smarter, someone may always appear younger, but these are only images.
And here is the authentic imperfect YOU. Celebrate yourself!
If you are interested in details about how you can work on developing acceptance of your imperfections, please contact me on: monika@monikaschwertner.com
All the best for you!
Monika
And how do you feel in this photo-shop version of the world? How do you live with all your imperfections? I am very interested in hearing your comment!
